Just Like You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiDOyQCCpKs&feature=relmfu

One thing that has always been on my mind is my father or lack there of and how it affects me.

No, my dad wasn't into drugs. He was always around. But never seemed to care what I did. He lived with us. He never came to my soccer games. He wasn't at my Science Fair. He wasn't at my spelling bees. He was never there for me. He wasn't at my Rec Nights and my school dances. He didn't know all my friends. Nor did he care about anything I had to tell him.

There are somethings I do remember though. I remember I always wanted him to brush my hair after a bath because he was super gentle. I remember we went to the park near my house one time and played basketball. He put me on his shoulders and made sure I could get a basket. I remember the sun was setting so everything had this golden tint. Its a still memory. A mind photograph if you will.

I can't complain. He was there and I did have one that didn't walk out. So, I can't say too much because I was definitely blessed to have him. But, it did make me crazy that he was not an influence on my life. It made me upset. I would get really angry. I was an angry child and an angry teen. I'm not blaming my anger issues on him. That was a creation all my own. I let things build up. I let things get to me. I let my frustration out on any kid who got in my way and I let popularity be an excuse or rather a cover. I let my popularity justify what I was doing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...don't try and make excuses. Take ownership. Don't blame your actions solely on other things. They may be contributing to it but certainly cannot take the full blame.

Don't wanna waste my life...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RWEllqh5J0&feature=relmfu

This is "Don't wanna waste my life" by Lecrae who is a dope rapper. He's got some awesome stuff going on in his music and has been incredibly blessed.

I find a certain...sanctuary in music. I find a certain peace and ability to relate that isn't found in mere words.

No, I won't use the cliches about you may not have tomorrow so take advantage of today and blah blah blah. I'll let you figure it out on your own that that phrase is truer that truer and it takes a matter of seconds for you to learn the hard way...for you to lose everything. Regardless of your definition of everything, you can still lose it.

Don't let today be the day you learn the hard way.

I'll post...Just cuz of the date.

I am actually not exceedingly miserable...which is...surprising because I actually reemed out my said boy last night which in turn extinguished all possible hope of plans or other such things.
I'm in a great mood and I look cute. It's a great Valentine's day.

I have class tonight which gets me out of going to a Valentine's day party at the apt. Hosted by none other than the newly engaged couple who I hear about almost daily.

I am also much like my best friend exceedingly glad to be single today as it does save me money and time. I can do what I want. I don't have to be all panicky like one of my housemates. Its a holiday that just makes everyone nervous and is blown exceedingly out of proportion by not only the business industry but all those who fail to come up with ways to show their significant other every other day of the year that they're cared about.

So, in turn I am having a good Valentine's Day.

Why I hate religion but love Jesus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.

To think, the son, of the Almighty God, hung on a cross, blood dripping down his face, saying that we needed to be forgiven.

For everything I've done wrong, the price has already been paid. It is...life changing.

Struggles through faith

Why is it we do what we do?

Why is it that we find the need to proclaim the will of God?

Why do we seek to be so wrapped up in a love that doesn't come directly from the one who is giving it?

Why do we continue to do what we do regardless of persecution, regardless of what people think, regardless of what our own minds tell us?

Why do we do what we do?

Stay Close

I find it exceedingly difficult to continue on such a narrow path some days.

The outside is pulling on me.

Feeling broken and empty...is hard.

I wish I could say that following Christ is easy.

That it makes all of your problems go away and that every day is perfect.

If anything, your life is harder.

Christ's teachings don't fit with the pattern of this world.

Nor will they ever.

More so than ever I need to take my own advice from my own favorite verse of Romans 12:2.

I refuse to conform to the patterns of this world.

I refuse to be who I was.

I refuse to do what I did.

I will remain strong and not let the doubt completely envelope my belief.

I refuse.

DC Dumb

Upon thinking about various things going on in my life and how other people are disciplined enough to maintain a blog...i figure maybe I should actually give it a serious go...like I did with guitar...only...I haven't really maintained that either...

Also, this whole new lifestyle thing is...difficult to manage...

I moved to dc like...a month ago? for grad school...after saying goodbye to as many people as I could and writing out the list of people who were pissed at me for not saying goodbye...i packed up everything for Excel and DC and left. I am not totally sure I know why I left...I know that I am supposed to be a pastor...did I leave for the right reasons? idk...nor will i ever...But im here and trying to remember that every morning i wake up.

Dont get me wrong...I loveeeee dc...and I loveee grad school and the people im living with and this is all such an incredible blessing. It was just sooooooo much change at once. I know no one down here and that was overwhelming. Almost everything I have done from little changes to big huge lifechanging changes I have had at least one thing be consistent...I now have nothing...I have different friends...different daily routine...different classes...different expectations put on me...different...everything.

I won't lie and say its always awesome because I do feel alone sometimes and that scares me...I do have one friend back home that I talk to often and always make sure we stay in touch...whether through sports talk telling her about my classes or boy issues we try and make it like I never left. that helps a lotttt.

I need help with almost everything in the sense that its hard for me to go do anything on my own thats without of walking distance...I had to ask for help to find the Verizon store just to pay my phone bill...I still havent been to the grocery story and only know how to get to and from school on the metro...which is a subway...which i hate tunnels and enclosed spaces...but wont use the bus because it a long walk...Right now...my day to day routine...consists of going to school and studying and drinking coffee...on sundays i go to church and I eat occasionally...i dont sleep except on thursdays for two solid pass out drool filled hours...right after i get home from class...

The good news is I fly home on the 1st and go and participate in Chrysalis. Im soooo excited to go home...I wont lie I have a couple times I have to speak at home which is...awesome because it makes me feel like Im still needed some place for something.

i am getting really close with my semi sort of half roommate...its cool cuz we have the same lat name....so we say we're long lost cousins or something ridiculous...

I made this blog so long ago...but the title...rings true...Im doing it...everyday im living for you....im trying anyway...and I think moving down here and living where I do and having the lifestyle i do helps...I dont have all the outside influences I did in undergrad...its pretty much just a me and god fest...and we're tryin to have not so much hate in our love hate relationship...its...tough...

I wish I had something inspiring or really awesome to say...but i dont...other than...stop wasting everyday...we have no less days to sing gods grace than from the first day we were born...you may not be here tomorrow. So don't act like you know you will be. You're not in control. The one who made you is.